Sunday, September 25, 2011

Free Fall

Sometimes I feel like I'm living my life in the air. Like I've jumped out of a plane and I can see everything below me, but I just don't know where I'm going to land.

I get frantic. I get impatient. I want to pull on the cord and unfurl the parachute in the hopes that I can direct my descent a little sooner. But it never works out the way I want it to. I end up floating through the air and waiting longer than I would have if I had let things unfold at the right time; and I end up even more anxious to get my feet onto solid ground.

There's no stopping the free fall because I'm already out of the plane. So I can either enjoy the scenery around me, appreciate the wind in my face, celebrate the feeling of being ALIVE... or... I can count the minutes, the seconds until "it's all over" and live with my eyes shut tight.

I'm blinking... Sometimes my eyes are open, sometimes they're closed, but I'm in the air and I'm not sure when I'm coming down.


  1. Thank you for this, friend. Written so beautifully. I pray for a safe landing when you land on solid ground. Love you so much!!

  2. wow - i so get being frantic and impatient and anxious and not wanting to do or go through whatever is before me to avoid those feelings. here's to being okay with where we land, my friend, the exhilaration of the jump, and eyes that sting with the tears of wind. i love you!

    lovin' the new blog header too - it's perfectly you.

  3. Thank you, my special friends for joining me in my journey. It's another reason to live with eyes wide open.

  4. Angela: It was my sincere privilege to sit next to you at BlogSugar last night. I feel like we are kindred spirits. Please email me. I want to meet you again. You can find my email address on the Contact page on my blog. Please. I have so much to tell you. xo. EE.

  5. A Journey Person. That is what being married to Daniel has turned me into. I always used to be about the destination. You know, let's get where we are going so that we can enjoy it as much as we can before we have to leave again. I was like that about trips...whether driving or flying...just get me there! I didn't enjoy the traveling. I didn't dislike it, it was just a means to an end. Daniel changed that. He taught me that the journey is all part of the joy and that I was missing a significant part of the experience be neglecting to soak in the scenery along the way. While I thought this only pertained to literal travel, I recently realized that this quick-get-to-the-end mentality had previously infiltrated every part of my much I missed out on! Argh! School is a big one. It was all about getting to the end...getting a grade. I could have learned so much more than I did. I hate that! Learning to physically travel different has change how I journey through life. How much more I enjoy the process and often could care less about the outcome. This shows up in simple things like cooking dinner WITH friends. It is so much more fun doing to together and failing miserably than trying to present them with a perfectly executed dish. What a change in mentality. I like being a journey person. And Angela, I like having journeyed with you.

    Anyway...your posted reminded me of that...learning to pause in the process and soak it in. You are getting to free fall!!!! When you think about it literally, how awesome is that?!?! (I dream of is definitely near the top of my bucket list.) Forget the landing spot...relish the exhilaration of the experience. See everything you can see from a totally different and spectacular perspective! Sing at the top of your lungs (just watch out for bugs). And remember what you see in the distance. They are probably places you will want to fact, I am sure they are.

  6. Elizabeth, thank you for visiting my space. And sitting next to you was one of the highlights of Blog Sugar for me.

    Brie, I wrote this post because I have lived too long with the "just get me there" mindset. We can learn to be "present journeyers" together. And maybe one day we'll be jumping out of a real plane together; you never know.

  7. Angela,

    Another beautifully written blog... you are so gifted in writing. Even this song sounds like you singing it while I write my post. To be present and not miss the moment that is... I am reading the most beautiful book right now called 1000 Gifts. Its all about being present to life--to be awake to life... about joy and suffering and the journey of living fully. I love you!

  8. Angela, I see what Annalea was talking about with your blog! Your five posts really pack a punch. :)

    I can totally relate to what you're saying here. I feel like I'm in this waiting in-between stage in so many areas of my life, and I'm working so hard to accept where I am and do what you're doing--keep my eyes open.

    I'm so glad that we got to share a table at Blog Sugar. I loved getting to hear your heart, and I'm excited to see where you go from here with your blog. :)


  9. p.s. I love your header picture!

  10. Val, I'm very familiar with that book that you are reading. I haven't read it yet, but I'm adding it to my list. As usual, thanks for cheering me along.

    Sharone, welcome to my space... and to the space in-between. I'm so thankful for the way God surprised me and connected our lives this weekend. :)